I am currently finding my way out of boredom and blogging is my last resort. And i dont even know what to write here. All i know is I am emotionally hurt and i cant get over with things at the moment. I hate it. Negative thoughts wont stop evading my mind. Confidence and self-esteem are going from 10 out of 100 to negative infinite. I kept thinking that "I dont deserve people, i am annoying as fuck why do i have to live, i am better off alone or must be best for me to just disappear, why is this happening to me every school year.. people are not the problem and it is me." etc.etc. BLUH BLUH.
I really dont know what to do right now. After this month, school will start again and I am going to see those people. I would rather be alone because everyone dont know me than being alone because everyone is avoiding me. It's kind of hard that I am socially inactive, not really. I mean I am shy and dont really spread my human wings and flutter it around people i just met. It's a little hard for me to adjust. I always start low with people. I don't know, I sometimes am talkative when talking to some people. I mean.. now that i think about it. I REALLY DONT KNOW. Depends on the people im talking to? Depends on my mood? Depends on the weather?
Im sorry i am currently experiencing complications with me and my thoughts right now. :))
We dont get along pretty well.
Anyway, all I want to happen this next semester is find true friends that will make me happy, make me know that they are always there, someone i can truly trust and people who will trust me back, some people who will stay by my side forever?? LOL. Forever never lasts. I think. Let's not make an assurance. Someone who will stay by my side. I wish i can make a group of friends that i can love in this place. (my friends are all faraway. they are the only one's left now. i feel so alone lol)
Oh and I accidentally followed myself on this site. Hahaha, i got confused with this new blog look. But i wont unfollow myself. I am the 3rd follower of my not-so-active blog! :D
hooray for pizzas!
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